Monarchs Offence Strikes Again

By: Simon Chan

For the third week in a row, the Monarch offence steamrolled its way to 23 runs in a convincing victory. This time, it was a 23-10 victory over The Specials, which occurred with Jamie Sabid, Sean Lam, and Ryan Mitchell as game day scratches, forcing a 4 girl infield and the call-up of CF/LF David Bowie from the Monarch farm team.

“It doesn’t matter who we put out there the way we’re hitting,” Monarch LF/R Travis Dingle said. “3 girls, 4 girls, newbies, farm team subs, it just doesn’t matter. If you put a 5 year old in a Monarch jersey, I bet you he’d get a couple of hits.”

“All the hits were falling in,” RF Trevor Moore commented after the game. “Especially for me, it didn’t matter if it was a popup, ground ball, or fly ball, it’s like the ball had eyes tonight. It always found a hole.”

“That’s what she said,” replied 3B Kevin Wong.

Rookies C Lindsey Kurach and minor league call-up Bowie performed well as they contributed to the Monarch hit parade.

“The rust is going away, and I’m starting to feel my way around. I’m getting comfortable using the big stick,” Lindsey said in a post-game interview.

“That’s what she said,” answered Bowie.

The game was marred by some controversial officiating from the other team, including a couple of strikes that were deemed too low by the home plate umpire supplied by The Specials, one of which negated a strikeout.

“I can tell why they call themselves The Specials, because that was some special umpiring,” P Simon Chan said bitterly after the game. “The minimum height of the pitch is 6 feet. If I’m underhanding it to the plate, it’s impossible for it to hit the mat without going over 6 feet unless I’m windmilling it in there. It’s mathematically impossible.”

“He’s Asian, so I wouldn’t question his math. That’s like insulting his honor,” 2B Erin Melanson added.

Another questionable play occurred when The Specials’ first base umpire claimed that 1B Alicia Kurach’s foot came off first base as she went to catch a throw from SS Amanda Sturies, despite another teammate calling the runner out.

“Well then that must be a big rock I felt under my foot,” an infuriated Alicia shot back at the umpire.

“That play was my fault,” Sturies said after the game. “I didn’t throw it at her milk twins, so she had to stretch a little.”

“I don’t understand why Amanda didn’t aim for Alicia’s boobs to begin with. Everybody else shoots there,” noted R/CF Brad Dingle.

In the end, the Monarchs were able to overcome the adversity and cruise to victory after holding The Specials to a couple of scoreless innings while hitting for the 7 run maximum in one of their own.